The long awaited update

So yeah, its been a real long time since I put anything here.

As some may be aware, I went to the doctors. I know that I put a post here, when it happened and I think at the time I didn't put my views across very well. However she is one of the best doctors I have had and she put me forward to see the local Psychiatrist, whom I had seen before for other issues.

The day of that appointment comes up. I go from work to the appointment. Again, I think at the time I do a reasonable job of explaining myself. Until about 6 hours later when I am home and able to analyse what has been said. So, I think "Oh Shit, I've fucked that up." From then on it takes a further 3 months for him to write a report on me. Which I get a phone call from my Doctor saying that they are sending it to the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC).

I'm not exactly when but a couple of weeks ago, I received a letter from them. Which stated they had to ask my local Primary Care Trust for funding.

Well today, I received another letter.

"Dear Malename

We are pleased to announce that the PCT has now agreed to fund your treatment in the GIC."

So there we have it, a positive start to the day. It should hopefully get me out of the black mood I was in last night.

Cheers

Tatyana

Re: Understanding

A small update on my life, I visited the ex-housemate during the week. This was originally to pick up a letter. However under politeness, I stayed for a drink and started a conversation. Which lead to my outing myself to her, which she was not adverse to. Infact she was really happy, wanting to take me shopping in the future, as well as hugging me a lot when I was leaving. I did have to explain that it is something I have wanted for a long time. Explaining how much better I feel since making the decision.

The results are in...

And it would appear that I have an honest Doctor. She was purplexed at first when I mentioned it, as it was a shock to her. At least she was upfront in saying that she didnt know how it worked and that she would have to look into it. However it might take around a month for her to get back to me. She seemed willing to help as much as she could and didnt try to expel the daemon from me.

However, I think the bi-gendered bit is fading. As I investigate more and look at items of clothing to wearing that would show off the feminine side of ourself. Such as shoes. Looks like that might be a new thing, even though I have kept to the bare minimum so far in my life.

4th January..

So I have made an appointment with my local GP(Doctor), to start the ball slowly rolling. I'll be speaking about if there is a way to become poly-gendered, and level of sensation.. It does have me in a slight panic. Am I doing the right thing, will I be laughed out of the surgery, what will I do when I'm told the options, am I doing it just to be different to the "norm", am I trying to fit in with a close-friend??

All I know is that I have been happier since working this out and coming to terms with whats inside, and feel a lot better about my body with smooth legs. Even if I have a problem with razor-burn >.< I even spent some time over the holidays looking at shoes and thinking "I could get those, I'd look great in those" However it was all heeled shoes, and no flats, maybe over compensating for the 30 years of flat "boring" shoes. Of which I need to get a new pair, for work. However that will be the usage of a christas present. Will have to check the expiry date on a voucher from a shoe shop to see if it can wait until I find out for certain and whether I will have any foot shrinkage. Some people have said it might happen, others that it wont. It will just be waiting to see what happens to my body.

Gah!

Just to say that my Dad has been admitted to hospital with pnuemonia. He was admitted an hour and half ago. He's been ill for the past 2 weeks, with what we thought was just a simple cold or flu. However today he was dragged by my mum into the walk-in clinic at the hospital and diagnosed with pneumonia. There nearly admitted him there and then but decided against it, that was about 9am. At about 1pm, my mum and I took him back up and he has now been admitted in.

To make matters worse he has been put on a ward with a cantankerous individual who was taking all the nurses attention when I left to turn the stove off so we may save the soup. Which I doubt. Someone else was been prepared to be taken to the Cancer ward, so that was another drain on their resources.

This is the worst I have ever seen my Dad. He has never been good with a simple cold and looks very bad at the moment, he has aged atleast 10 years. My mum has been crying and is very worried, I am very worried and wondering if he will ever be out of hospital again.

Understanding

So we went to see one of the ex-housemates, the Polish one, today and got talking about a friend of mine. How she has now found love and that I find it beautiful. However, the housemate was putting all the negative spin on the relationship. Saying how any amount of BS could be said online, after about 20 minutes of talk like that, I got quite angry and mentioned that of all people she should know that she doesnt need to tell me that.

Along with other parts of the conversation, regarding Transgendered people and it was revealed exactly how narrow minded she is. So it looks like I have lost a friendship there, well not exactly lost.. more given up on a friendship.

The Phoenix

So some may be aware of this, offers not. However I am sick of keeping it hidden away, afraid of people might think if they knew. A lot of people reading this will already know that we are not normal, mainly from the constant changing of pronouns and other posts on other sites.

However, we are not a single mind in this body but a mix of two minds. They are always mixed and in agreement with anything that is done. The worst thing is that they are of different genders. We feel the need for the body to reflect how our mind is. I do not know if this is even possible, but I need to speak to some people about it to find out. I tried to get the ball moving today, but the person I wanted to ask questions of was not in her office when I went around there at lunch time and was too busy during the rest of the day.

Everyone who knows about this has been supportive, but my family know nothing about it at least at the moment. There are none in my physical world that know any of how I feel, not even the Therapist that I had recently. Its amazing how you can keep things hidden for so long and then it becomes natural to deny it.

The problem when we mention that we want the body to reflect the mind, people think of Kathoey. That is not what we mean, that would still not be what we want, if that is all that we could achieve then we would be better to never start anything.

That was it, really. I want to stop hiding everything and talk about it all.
Cheers,

Angel